…you wish you would have kept your mouth shut (or your pen still, or whatever medium you used to flaunt how much you thought you knew)

…all the people you touted your beliefs toward at the expense of their own well-being suddenly flash before your eyes

…you wish you could tell them all how sorry you are

…you stop trusting yourself so much and start asking others for help and wisdom

…you start to wonder how many other things you are currently wrong about and still don’t know it

…you aren’t quite as critical when others around you are obviously wrong

…you start to love the truth

…you see how amazing it is that Jesus was never once wrong, and yet was never proud of Himself.

Moved from Watertown, NY to Grantham, PA in Sep01. Two semesters in college and back for summer02. Four years and as many dorms later, moved to North Carolina. Lived with a kind family for 3 months, then moved into the town of Mebane. Lived alone from Sep05-Jan07.

Moved to Pennsylvania. Lived with two guys in Bethlehem from Jan07-Jul07. Moved to live with other friends in Coopersburg from Jul07-Jan08. From there moved to Easton and lived with a family for 3 more months before moving to Kentucky in Apr08.

Lived in Williamstown, KY for 10.5 months. Moved to Dry Ridge, KY. Have lived here for four months and am moving back to Williamstown, KY.

Have moved 8 times in 8 years, not counting moves from dorm to dorm. I am learning to love the Lord and to hold loosely to the things that surround me. There is always a chance I will need to pick up and move on.

It would be false of me to say that I enjoy moving so much, though. I do pray that God gives me a chance to set in a place for a while. To put down roots, to flourish. To spread and grow.

But until then I pack up once more, willing to be as a stranger in this land.

So then, quick update. I live in Dry Ridge, Kentucky. Check it out on Google Maps. There is not much around. I kinda like it.

I work, read, clean the house and try to make sure that my roomates know what is going on in my life. 

Lots of other things have changed, but you would have to e-mail me personally to get the real scoop. Go ahead. Do it!

Some might argue this to be the common experience for anyone who bought into this Jesus thing for more than just heaven. Lord, I want so much more than just heaven.

I don’t know how many people will read this, don’t know what will come of this, but I want a reminder. Mercy doesn’t pay. It will put food on a hundred tables before it puts food on your own. Clothes on a hundred backs before it clothes your own children.

Maybe that’s why the church doesn’t rush to be merciful.

Jesus, make Your bride brilliant.

God, save us all.

God, Your word is precious, whether or not I acknowledge its value. I am convinced that I cannot value eternal things except that you do a redeeming work in my heart. Please do that for me today.

Jesus, I am hurting. Some friends of mine who used to run wholeheartedly after You have become distracted by the world. I find comfort in knowing that You WILL perfect Your work in their lives until Christ comes back. But still, I hurt for them. Would You please reveal again to them how wonderful You really are? Open Your word to them so that they know it is life. In Your mercy save them from the bitter pleasures of the world.

Father, convince me of the gospel once again. Don’t leave me here in this place. Give to me a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of You. Help me to understand the power that is at work in my life. And then give me a burden for the lost.

I am struggling today with the desire to be vulnerable. Please give to me a dedication to the truth above my love for my own comfort. I have no power to change this. I plead the blood of Christ over this in my life.

Encourage one another daily. Never lose your spiritual fervor. Be joyful in hope. Be patient in affliction. Be devoted to prayer. These 5 things You have spoken into my life from Your word, and I am incapable of being faithful in them unless You would work Your power in me, both to will and to do according to Your good pleasure. THANK YOU for the perfect life that Christ lived for me, so that I do not have to do ANYTHING for you to smile over my life.

God, I was selfish with my time today. Give me a responsible heart tomorrow, and a joy to be in Your service.

I love You, Father. I love You, Christ. I love You, Spirit. Seal my heart for Your courts. Teach me on this earth to show by my love how much I owe. Amen.

Well. They are not actually my kids. That is just what I call them. I am a social worker, and a dad in all practicality. Everyday I come into contact with 5 kids who have experienced more in 8-12 years than we will experience in a lifetime. My kids live in a house together, and so they need someone to take care of them. Homework, medication, bedtimes, storytimes, showers, meals. We play together, we frustrate each other. I sit outside their door when the lightning is frightening. We have dance parties to the oldies (well, the younger ones anyway).

Every single one of those beautiful children have been sexually abused. Every one of them has sexually abused another child. Before the age of 10. Some have been starved, locked in cages, beaten. Some of them have raped young girls. How can I call them beautiful…

I was nervous the first few weeks working there. One Sunday night was downright scary. One of my 9 year olds was mopping the dining room floor after dinner. He did not do the best job. I asked for it to be done over.

“I don’t have to.”
“I have asked you to. It is part of your duties. You know what consequences you earn if you do not complete your chore.”
“I said I don’t have to.”
“It is completely your choice whether or not you do your chore. I cannot make you. But you will earn the consequences.”
“I said no!!.”

I walked out when he started screaming. I was not sure what to do. Then shattering glass and bone chilling screams. My heart stopped when I saw his terrified eyes and bloody hands.

I asked earlier how I can call them beautiful. It is the reality of Christ and His grace that creates no difference between the sex offender and the one who walks alongside to love them. There is no designation of people into sinner and righteous, except that those who are called by God according to His purpose are deemed righteous. My sex offenders are beautiful because they too bear in their bodies the image of God. Oh that I would learn to more perfectly love the image they bear…

My work with these beautiful young ones has given new meaning to the verse, “Whoever causes one of these little ones…to sin, it would be better for him to have a millstone hung from his neck and be thrown into the sea.” Sin has unlocked so much rage in these beautiful ones, it is difficult to bear. When I think of the consequence of sin manifested in their actions, I sit with my head in my hands. And to see the pain borne from the fall. Jesus, how we need You.

Most of the kids were complaining at the halfway point, but I pushed them further. We were nearly at the top when I decided we should talk about our experience so far. Some kids were hot and angry that we had to go this far. Some were feeling positive that they had pushed themselves and succeeded. One of them just wanted to see the top. So I gave them the option.

They all joined me at the top. I saw something that I had seen hundreds of times in other places and I had never been thankful for. A simple farmer’s field bathed in sunlight. I could think of nothing else that I wanted to do than to run hard through that field with my boys.

And so we did. We skipped and we yelled and we laughed and we sang. It was pure exhilaration, because in that moment they were children again.
Happy and laughing and free. Not dealing with the hell that their lives had become. Through experiences no one should have to walk through, the world had forced them to grow up. But not in those 5 minutes. For 5 minutes they were gloriously young.

I live for moments like those. They carry me for days. It’s why I love my job. And don’t get me wrong, because I needed to be young for 5 minutes, too. We all do.

Jesus, give us faith like children. Give us eyes that light up when we have the chance to run and laugh and play. Keep the world from hardening us, and keep our hearts young. And keep them soft so that broken people cause us to weep.

Amen.

Such was my experience a few weeks ago surrounding the wedding of a dear friend. I have had the privilege of knowing and loving many of the same people since the beginning of college 6 years ago. Some faces have come and gone, but most have stayed the same. So to see the ways in which we have each grown in our faith is so encouraging. Each time we all meet together, there is no sense that months have passed since we were last together, and things easily transition into the present experience of fellowship, without having a preparatory time, which can be awkward, of sharing what has happened in the last few months.

And the ways in which we love each other! Time has grown the seeds of faith, hope, and love in our hearts, and life has contributed real experiences and powerful contexts within which to say with our lives, “I care about you deeply.”

All this to say that when I spent the weekend surrounded by people who loved me so well, both long time friends and new acquaintances, I had a distinct sense that this was a magnificent display of Christ. The word of God says that one of the fruits of the Spirit is love. So when love is displayed, it must be the Holy Spirit at work, and not a product of man.

I began to love Christ in a renewed way. His face was so kind, so loving, so gracious. He reminded me of these things through the faces of my friends. His children were showing me more of who He was and is. Love filled my heart for Christ, and the depths of who He must be, if even the smallest taste of His goodness was so full of life!

Brothers and sisters, the world ought to know that we are Christians by the way in which we love each other. I write this in the spirit of Hebrews 3:12-13. “Encourage one another day after day after day, as long as it is still called Today, so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. I have challenged myself to encourage each person I come into contact with throughout the day. Let no opportunity slip past you to tell them why the way they live their life matters.

And to my friends who were the face of Christ to me August 3-5, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Who each of you are comforts the broken hearted, heals the sick, feeds the hungry and clothes the naked. You surely have done those things for me.

 ”The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he sold all that he had and bought that field.”

This blog is a product of my desire to process life and love Christ in such a singular way that it could be said of me, “In his joy he sold all that he had and gained the kingdom and its beloved Christ.” Instead, my life has too long proclaimed, “He weighed his options and found it a better long term plan to sell his treasures and save his soul.”  

God, put in me a heart that values Christ so much that it is from joy that I put all my other treasures to use in my pursuit of gaining Christ. My time, money, relationships, hobbies, studies, strengths…I pray that I would be ceaseless in my endeavoring to gain more of You through those tangible things that You have given to me. Help me to not be selfish. Give me grace so that I will not build my own kingdom, but instead proclaim Yours.